Well I'm admittedly a little tardy getting my first post up here. You see, I've been very busy getting ready for my departure from sanity (as some may see it). What a strange time in my life. The good, the bad and the unknown all intersecting. All of my life I've been striving to 'get there' and I finally did by definition. The house that's too big with a mortgage to match, great credit score, respect, title, beautiful kids and fun, beautiful grand-babies, and a whole bunch of stress. I've lived like a candle in the wind while not really living at all. I've lived backwards (more about that later). Somehow I guess it all turned out okay as observed by outsiders. But what is success anyway? Is it following along with all the other little worker bees flowing into the industrial parks every morning? I find myself following along in the line each day and thinking....since when have you ever been one to color in the lines anyway? For quite some time I've had a feeling that things don't quit fit. I'm at a stage in my life where I am comfortable with me and less stressed about what others think. I'm not so reactionary. Not so afraid of failure. So....I'm about to take a flying leap away from the attained goal. I'm getting out of that line of cars buzzing along to work. Yep, my autonomy score of 99.9% is rearing its head. I gave my 30 day notice (still playing safe and responsible) on May 4, 2012. I had 30 days to plan how to come out of it a raging success or at least still be able to pay my bills and never touch a Ramen Noodle. 30 days to squeeze all the doctor visits in ( yep, soon the insurance will be history), to figure out what happens to my 401K, to start a business of my own and a zillion other things. What did I get into? All because I wasn't digging the corporate coloring within the lines gig? You betcha! I'm going to start my own business!! Oh crap.....
Okay it's nearing the end of June. I've sunk an impressive amount of money into this new business adventure so it's too late to turn back now. I've got everything moving along nicely and in the back of my mind is a voice asking...Are you crazy? You've never done anything like this line of business before. It is totally unlike healthcare which you have been in since age 18 and you are a hundred after all so what the heck? Did you not have enough sense to at least go into something similar? Then the same voice says...well it is nice to do something totally different. But how the heck do you know it is good to do something different since after all...you haven't done anything remotely like this EVER. How's that for circular thinking? At least it is the same voice and not multiple voices right? I have no idea if I'm going to like what I'm going to be doing but I'm pretty sure I will like not doing it for someone else or some corporation. At least I own myself for the first time.
So for now my money is dwindling on the gamble it will multiply in the future and in the end buy me some emotional zen. Life is chaotic in every corner of my life. All around me is one drama or another outside of my control and involving people important to me. It's like a train that never ends. One car, attached to the next, attached to the next and they keep on coming. I am blessed with never ending tenacity which keeps me pushing ahead as the trains threatens to run me over. I get that from my mother.
But anyway....I wanted to put in an update to let you all know I'm hanging in and still moving toward the goal of professional independence. School will start mid-July. May the force be with me!
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